Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
