I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
