I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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