nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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