dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
