everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
