I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
