When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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