god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
