I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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