Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
