You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
