Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
