Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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