I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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