i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
