I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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