Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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