I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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