my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
be right there i have to get my cape
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
