i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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