When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
