I accidentally had phone sex last night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
