My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
