Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
