she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
