eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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