I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
