Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
