You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
