all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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