You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
