tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
