fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
