i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
no you cant smoke seaweed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
