She said her name was "party"
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
