She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
