You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
