you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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