My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
