so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
