is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
