Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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