I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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