I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
