Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Randomize
