Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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