Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
