i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
