but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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