"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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