Pants 0. Shit 1.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
