dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
