i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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