Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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