WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
