Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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