just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
