UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
