i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
