dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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