thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
