Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize