is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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