Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
