i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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