I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
