I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
