I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize