Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All the doctor said was why
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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