I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
4 words: hood of his car
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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