You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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