I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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