your room smells of hookers.
And success
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
