we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize