One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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