Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hippo gnu deer
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize