You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
