im about as happy as oj after his trial
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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