Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
