My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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