Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize