38 yer olds are good kisserssss
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
