you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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