i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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