So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
