This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize